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April 28, 2005
before.after
before.
o.k. i'm here at halcyon, having a harp, as i so often do, but now, straight. no rose's sweetened lime juice tonight! no need for supplemental sweetness.
it's before, and there'll be an after, but it won't be a study in contrast; rather of expectation and anticipation had, and met, probably exceeded.
you see, i've picked up a second job. something to counterbalance, hopefully, to in some way overwhelm my mistaken life as a lawyer.
you've heard it all from me before - law the wrong path, maybe the worst for me. how the best parts of me might make me a uniquely gifted attorney, but how still, those best parts are wasted on it. they're better applied to art than to the artifice of law, better, i'd like to think, to truly seeking and presenting truth, and not merely manufacturing something to pass for it.
this life of mine also imparts maybe not a certain taste, but expression. suits and ties and pleats... i'm not opposed to getting dressed up, but i've always pushed against it. like saying "i'm sorry," or "i love you," done too often and too mindlessly, it loses meaning. it should be saved for when the statement must truly be made. the rest of the time, the statement should be, "here i am."
so, here i sit, watching the friends here work their regular job. i finish my beer, comfortable in my jeans, but wishing my new black t-shirt fit better.
in 30 minutes, i'll join my friends behind the counter, learn to make this coffee thing in all its seemingly baffling varieties, and i'll smile broadly, genuinely, when i ask, "what can i get for you?"
after.
expectation, as expected, met, and yeah, exceeded.
properly frothing/foaming the milk is still, after many tries, a bit intimidating to me. it's very much like the law - i read the helpful manual halcyon provided me. but the baristas there operate by touch and experience, and i'm like a fresh newbie lawyer, citing rules but having no feel for how to really make it all work.
my friends came in, harassed me a bit, successfully baffled me. "dry" cappucino? i'm sorry, that wasn't in the book. but they also said this was a good thing, that i was grinning like an idiot all night, and i think they meant "idiot" in the kindest way.
people of all sorts flowed in and out. i begin to learn the regulars, will hopefully come to know what they want. people were generally kind, though i think in a couple of instances i was able to defuse people's impatience with me. i do bring some skills to this, i think.
music all night, jazz, johnny cash, funk, some stuff i didn't know. it's work - there's an endless flow of dirty dishes, spurts of customers - and this was a "slow" night.
i don't drink coffee, but tonight, i sampled, and sipped... a double shot of espresso, some chai, a charmingly flubbed attempt at a mocha latte, later enriched by more milk and some moroccan roast (crap, i know that's not the right name - amelia?). i drank more coffee tonight than in my entire life. crystal meth would probably bring me down right now.
i know myself well enough to recognize when i'm happy with the newness and novelty of something. i will be tired and annoyed at times, my knee will swell on some days, my feet will hurt, i'll burn myself on the steaming wand, i'll feel bad when a coworker gets annoyed with me.
but what hours i spend there, in any form, will balance the hours spent at my desk at The Other Job, mired in its essential elements of complaint and conflict.
leora kept offering to let me go early, but i wanted to stay, couldn't seem to stop moving. i finally knocked off a little before midnight, and she made me a cosmonaut - vodka, espresso, some other stuff. i sat and drank, chatted with my new coworkers. leora came out of the back and slapped down a twenty - "trainees don't usually get tips, but we like you."
i left, eventually, went across the street to my Other Workplace, hopped on my bike, spun down through the warehouse district, the bands threatening to overpower the U2 in my headphones. across the bridge, and home.
a run at dawn, a bike ride to work, lunch outside at thundercloud, my new job, a night ride to my home in the city.
i'm getting there, and here is pretty good.
Posted by Rob at April 28, 2005 12:45 AM