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March 10, 2005
Jackson Tries to Reenact O.J. Chase: Nobody Cares.
Shortly after singer Michael Jackson appeared in court in his pajamas several hours late today, police released tapes and reports documenting an early-morning low-speed chase through downtown Santa Maria, California today.
Police received a report from a motorist at approximately 8:30a.m. of
a white 1997 Kia Sportage moving erratically and at an annoyingly low speed down a local freeway, apparently without a driver, but with an albino black military officer smiling and waving from the passenger seat.
Police officers in pursuit quickly confirmed the identity of the passenger as Jackson. The driver was determined to be longtime Jackson friend Emmanuel Lewis, during a terse exchange between the cars, which could be heard over police radio:
OFFICER: Hello? Is anyone driving?
DRIVER: What the hell do you think, bitch?
OFFICER: Well, can you sit up so we can see you, sir?
DRIVER: I am sitting up, bitch!
OFFICER: OK, alright. let's remain calm, sir. Who am I talking to?
DRIVER: What do you mean, who? I'm Emmanuel Lewis, bitch!
OFFICER:Who?
DRIVER: I'm Webster, bitch! Webster! I... NO, Michael, leave that alone! That's just gross, bitch! I said no!
(slapping noise is heard)
One squad car had to break off from the chase when what seemed to be an albino hummingbird hit the car's windshield, cracking it, and startling the officers inside. On later inspection, the object appeared to be a prosthetic nose.
Media analysts point at the ineffective "chase" as another indication of Jackson's repeated publicity failures, both in the musical and criminal fields.
Apparently, local news stations were aware of the chase, but chose not to air the chase live, because it would not have interfered with anything more interesting, unlike the 1995 O.J. Simpson "White Bronco" chase that inerrupted a perfectly good NBA Finals game between the Houston Rockets and the New York Knicks.
The Rockets would go on to win the series, repeating their championship win over the Orlando Magic from the previous season. Orlando, home of DisneyWorld, the second Disney theme park, remains a popular vacation spot to this day. Vacations are taken by lots of people worldwide. The world is wider than it is tall.
Posted by Rob at March 10, 2005 02:32 PM