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February 02, 2005
things i missed
so, this morning, i'm cleaning out my briefcase, sorting through the accumulation of papers from the whirlwind of the last several weeks.
i came across a few pages of writing, and went to put them in the little spiral notebook i carry with me all the time, that i sit with in the back of the bar and write in at least once a week. it's a notebook only for writing, not for scribbling grocery lists or phone numbers.
i'm a lover of the post-it note, the ability to put critical information on a bright square of paper and stick it somewhere where it won't be ignored or avoided. at least, that's the theory. in reality, my world is covered with sticky notes, but my mind has developed the extraordinary ability to completely fail to differentiate them from their surroundings, as if my eyes had yellow filters that prevent the notes from being seen.
but this morning, when i opened the notebook, i saw the yellow sticky in the front cover, the only one in the book, and i was shocked, but i also immediately knew that it had always been there. it was something i wanted to follow up on, but had overlooked, put off to another day.
it was Julie's name and phone number, given to me by a friend some months ago.
in the last week, amidst the turmoil and uncertainty surrounding her daughter Alexis' future, i kept thinking about how Julie had become single in 2003, and how i had left my last relationship and been unattached just months before that. i can't help but wonder, and though there's no more than wondering, there's an odd regret at what might have been missed, at how maybe even now, i could have at least shared the future of an amazing little girl.
i know it's silly, and presumptious, and a bit self-centered. but Julie's gone, Alexis' future hangs on the result of what will be an ugly legal battle, and an ongoing emotional war that may never be resolved. and for me, all i have is a yellow post-it note with a number now disconnected, some pictures, and the wondering.
Posted by Rob at February 2, 2005 09:48 AM