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November 30, 2004

how much, how often

it's been noted that i have not been very productive in terms of writing. oddly, however, no one has noted my aversion to capital letters. i'm sure it's irritating someone, maybe to such an extent that they don't feel they can bring it up without getting upset, much the way i feel about sentences like, "Its like there trying to figure out what your going to do with you're web sight and it's contents."

well, a few things have been going on, i suppose, that account for the gaps.

first, and perhaps foremost, i've failed to make time to write, and i haven't been drinking as much. i'm a very particular writer. i like it dark, i prefer to have music to carry my mind. and i have to have enough time and space to be able to quiet the other parts of my mind, to not worry about the work i'm supposed to be doing, or the calls i should be returning, or how out of shape i feel.

for a couple of months there, beer was magical for me because it was a shortcut for that process - it could get my mind where it needed to be quickly and effectively.

the last week, actually, has been pretty good for me, starting with the events i talked about in my last entry. with a combination of blind faith, a bit of effort, and some increasingly important people, i feel like i'm back on a good path.

the other issue is that i've felt a momentary disillusionment with my blogging. it's not quite taking off as i had expected/hoped/fantasized. i know a handful of friends read it, but i realize that it's been a difficult mix, mostly personal stuff, with little of the entertaining writing that has seemed to capture people's interest more in the past. it is failing to spread like the glorious, illuminating and entertaining literary virus i had expected/hoped/ fantasized that it would become.

i was also a little disappointed that a broad appeal for reader participation last week was responded to only by the very kind Julie in British Columbia (YOU, my dear, get capitalization), and by a well-intentioned query from my very good friend Mara (crap - better capitalize her, too) regarding some new shoes i had purchased while in her company. i wasn't even sure if she was asking about the nice ecco grown-up shoes, or the much more exciting LeBronII's I bought. i can't gripe, because Mara has been a source of amazing support from the start, all delivered in that american-male-melting Australian accent of hers...

so, i agonized briefly about the need for this blog to be more entertaining, but i've realized i have to be patient. i have to write to write. that's what this is for, and hope that people will be curious to see where it goes, or will at least enjoy being a bit voyeuristic.

so, tonight, after another good running session with my training group, made so much easier chatting with and following the pace of psychology professor cum runner janay, i came home, ate a bit of salad, left again to research and purchase a whole new poop and pee solution for the damned, damned cats, and now i sit here, turning the tv off, returning to the comfort and focus of darkness in my living room, returning to the sounds of zero 7 and the garden state soundtrack, and returning to a few (that would be "five" in the metric system) harps.

with effort, and a few friends, old and new, i am finding my balance again. tomorrow, the ill-advised but revolutionary purchase of an iPod will arrive and become the musical pacemaker i've missed since my days in college. i am rededicating myself to the writing, and will start over the next couple of days, maybe recounting a bit of how I got here. i'll try not to be dull, and after a couple of bits like this, you will be rewarded later this week with a thrilling tale involving kilts, clippers, and grooming below the belt.

Posted by Rob at November 30, 2004 11:16 PM

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Posted by: HB at December 2, 2004 03:06 PM

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