where?
August 28, 2007
Shifting, shifting, shifting. Seems like it's always been like this. One might wonder if I've grown to like it. The answer is no. My life is still not what I want, not by a long shot, and it's not what I ever imagined it might be.
Things get farther and farther away from me, and at this point in my life, I worry about getting them back. Will I be able to run like I did before, such as that was? Will I be able to sing like I once could, now that I'm willing to do something about it? Will I be able to sustain a relationship, or have I spent so much time alone that I'm entrenched in a mindset, inflexible and unwilling to compromise with my idiosyncracies or deal with someone else's? And, will I be able to write again?
In high school and college, I wrote something almost daily. Then, law school intervened, and the ease and quality decayed. I remember trying to revive it in my third year, how it was like learning to speak a language I hadn't practiced in years. Since then, there have been other periods of slack, but this one feels different. The will and skill are lacking again, but now, like the other things that I question my ability to reengage in at this point in my life, I also worry that I don't have the heart anymore.
Maybe I don't believe in it anymore. Maybe I don't have the same faith in my ability, or the hope of it meaning anything. All this writing, and I can't seem to figure out what to do with it. I talked about publishing, but I haven't done it. I look at the job of editing and reworking pieces, and it's like editing and reworking my past from a colder perspective. It doesn't seem right.
Soon, the annual fee for the website will be due, and once again, even more than before, I have to decide whether I can get $99 a year out of this. Even now, part of me wants to write, wants to create something worthwhile, but look at what we got instead...
Posted by Rob at August 28, 2007 11:35 AM
Comments
Glad to see something up here other than a blank page. Keep writing.
Posted by: mel at August 28, 2007 01:54 PM
You should go to journalism school.
Posted by: anon at August 29, 2007 08:42 PM
Renew.
Posted by: Rose at August 29, 2007 10:40 PM
thanks, all of you. one comment from a friend i desparately needed to get back, and two from people that I don't know if I know... that means a lot.
journalism school... when I went to college, that was my first path. i got talked out of it. I have to say, I'm not at all happy with what I see of journalism these days, though. But it's an excellent thought, and it's in the right direction...
Again, thanks, and you made me feel compelled to try to write tonight, even though it was mainly adding to something I wrote a few months ago ("kate").
Posted by: rob at August 29, 2007 11:36 PM
Send in your $99 bucks Dude - worth every penny to continue with the possibility of prose rather than the cheap promise of none. You're a great writer and this meida provides an easy venue - and if you don't like it, you can just erase it away. Keep it coming....
Posted by: Lorrie at August 31, 2007 03:05 PM
Need help with the subscription fee? 'Twould be a smart investment on my end.
Posted by: Janie at September 2, 2007 12:12 PM
Don't go to journalism school. J school is not for writers. They teach you a formula to hack out stories that anyone can understand.
You should definitely shell out for the renewal. Who wants pudding? EVERYONE.
-Joey
Posted by: Joey at September 3, 2007 07:15 PM