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workus interruptus
July 20, 2007
So, I had zipped through documents today at a pretty good clip, enabling me to wander the web in short bursts, and to take a little time to budget out the next couple of months, to figure out how and when to pay for things and all. I felt another onslaught of hopelessness creeping up on me, and I had been disappointed about something else, so I was trying to plan, to try to sketch out something to look forward to, even if it was just financial.
I had just figured out a plan, and closed the spreadsheet...
And then was told I only have two weeks left at this project.
As much as I make fun of and gripe about the legal industry and large law firms, I have to hand it to Baker Botts - they're pretty classy to give notice. The far longer-named Akin, Gump, Strauss Hauer and Feld also gave me a couple of weeks' notice, and of course my friend Kellie did last year, but this industry is generally a no-notice sort of thing.
I'm still adrift out here. Every time I try to anchor myself, or at least get my bearings again, the sea changes on me. I am looking for a permanent job, but nothing's panned out. My nascent running group, currently named Team In Exile, has hit-and-miss participation. Some people just want to do their own thing.
I miss the community I had with the group at Rogue. I'm still upset, still angry, because they were wrong to do what they did, plain and simple. They were wrong to block me from coaching a group of cancer patients, a new job I had taken with their blessing, that was to start in late April. They didn't even have the decency to respond to my recent email to them, that just sought to set up a meeting with them.
People wanted to continue running with me, and that begat Team In Exile. But because of how it started, it's too loose in structure, and it's free, and so, as a way to continue to coach, it's frequently disappointing. On the other hand, there's some good people who have become good friends that stick with it. I'm now at a crossroads with it, trying to decide whether to try to grow it, or just accept it as running with a small group of friends.
On the plus side, I am slowly getting back in shape, and I'm going to work to not let that get derailed, and lose my progress in one of the few areas I really can control. I'm working to reestablish the true and good friendships in my life, after the startling, but not entirely surprising mass of revelations about people in the past several months. I'm reabsorbing myself in music, and trying to write more.
Back and forth, up and down. The cycles are getting frequent, and annoying, and disappointing. The troughs have been pretty deep, and the crests of the waves have not been incredibly high, and are short-lived. If I can just stay somewhere in between, just for a while, just long enough to give it all one last good try...
Posted by Rob at July 20, 2007 01:43 PM