« passing time | Main | Zero-Zero-Zero-Destruct-Zero »
vox
May 17, 2007
i slept until mid-afternoon again. again, i just can't find the reasons. i can't find something, something, anything, to call hope.
tonight, i wanted to back out, but for the third week, i walked up on stage with my friend mandy at the tiny club with the small and friendly crowd. the weeks before, i sat on a stool next to mandy, gripped the seat, held the lyrics and hid behind them, let my voice cut out when there was risk of it being heard. this week, though, i had nothing to lose. i pushed the stool away and stood free, left the lyric sheets at home, drank beer before i sang, and i sang free.
i forgot lyrics, filled them in with the wrong ones, couldn't reach a couple of notes because of the beer's effect on my throat, but my legs stayed strong, and i sang out true for the first time, and i stood relaxed, held the mic with one hand, the other hand in my pocket, and i tried to sing not so much from wanting to sing, as from everything i was feeling today, from everything i've been feeling from these past many weeks.
i made eye contact with people, as if they were her, and i sang to them, and i tried to make them feel, which is all it's always been about, and everything it should be about.
still not perfect, not even enough for me to be truly happy with, but the progress was good, it was far better than the two previous weeks.
i walked off, happier with the effort, and waiting to hear what people would say. these weeks, this last month, so much meaning, so many hopes have been taken from me. some are too far behind me to recover now. some are slipping away, as recently as yesterday afternoon, at lunch under towering pecan trees.
something, something, my god, all i need is something.
mandy smiled at me and said it was good and meant it. someone said her boyfriend said i reminded him of cat stevens, the second person to have said that. i've never listened to cat stevens, which is, suddenly, a good thing.
the next act after mandy's students came on, suzanna choffel, a great writer with a beautiful voice.
i sank into one of the club's red leather chairs with my beer, and enjoyed a rare time of just letting the music and her voice wash over me.
then, between songs, she pointed at me and said, "you have a beautiful voice. you sound like cat stevens."
something, something, even if, at the end of the day, it's nothing. i'll take it, and hold it close. i wonder if it will still be there in the morning.
Posted by Rob at May 17, 2007 03:25 AM
Comments
i should add... i'm listening to some cat stevens now on itunes, and i'm flattered, but i also can't help but think... really?
Posted by: rob at May 17, 2007 03:59 AM
Windy was totally blown away by your singing. While you were up there, she told me no less than 3 times that you really good.
Posted by: Jenn at May 17, 2007 09:37 AM
Windy was also at least three sheets to the wind(y). But I'll take it - thanks.
So, here's something weird. I thought I had only ever listened to two Cat Stevens songs, "Wild World", and "Cat's In the Cradle." So, make that one Cat Stevens song, because it turns out "Cat's In The Cradle" is not Cat Stevens at all. According to Wikipedia:
"Many people mistakenly believe the song to be the work of artist Cat Stevens, and a mis-titled MP3 version is widely circulated on the internet. Jack Black contributed to this confusion, playing part of the song in a Saturday Night Live sketch where Black's character claimed the song was by Yusuf Islam, a.k.a. Cat Stevens. There are no known, verifiable recordings of Cat Stevens performing the song however, and a Cat Stevens fan web site assures readers that Stevens has never performed the song, 'not live, not in the studio, and not even privately.'"
Posted by: rob at May 17, 2007 02:01 PM
great going Rob!! if you want to hear some recent Cat Stephens (yusef), let me know and i'll loan you his most recent cd - some good songs (and some others). where are you singing and when's the next gig?
Posted by: Lorrie at May 17, 2007 09:50 PM
Saw this contest and thought you should enter.
http://www.firstpersonarts.org/other_programs-contests.php
Posted by: mike b at June 11, 2007 02:57 PM