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you
November 15, 2006
there's someone out there now, finally.
i don't know the future, i don't want to force one, but for the first time in i don't know how long, i see a future i want to be in.
she's doing the hard things in this. she's fighting doubt and history and fear, and she's facing the inevitable consequences of it, that someone's going to be hurt.
i'm ashamed that i've ridden a roller coaster of my own construction, not hers, the past few days. but every time i disbelieve, like even tonight, there she is, sometimes moments later, making me feel foolish by making me feel happy. she's teaching me the nature of faith and hope again. and, the more i believe in her, the more i believe in me.
i've done more in this week to right the capsizing boat that is my life than i have in years, because i believe, because for some reason, even seeing everything, dark and light, she believes.
you're out there, and i want you close, but i won't tell you that right now, because i shouldn't. but, the things i write here seem to have become this odd intermediary world where we exist together, so i'll just tell you here - i don't know what's going to happen, but i'm here, and i'm alive again, and i want to be for you what you're becoming for me. if that's not to be, then i don't know... but thank you for this time, and for helping me uncover this hope, and this feeling.
Posted by Rob at November 15, 2006 12:38 AM