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non-space
June 12, 2006
so, things got a little lost for a while.
there's a threshold, an amount of time that can pass without my talking to a friend, beyond which that period of unshared time becomes unwieldy, and the thought of even trying to organize that small span of history, and what it meant and means to me, becomes overwhelming. it can't be accomplished in a quick contact-maintenance call, so it just doesn't happen.
similarly, being accountable to myself for a chunk of time like the one that passed since i quit my job feels unwieldy and overwhelming. the first response my mind gives when i try to assess the last two-and-a-half months is, "I have no idea what the hell just happened."
here's what we do know:
1. i had no safety net, really, when i bailed out of my job. i never really was able to get past the stress of trying to figure out how i was going to pay for everything. furthermore, to be clear, "everything" quickly became compounded. exponentially. my roommate decided she wanted to move out on her own, and the whole up- and re-rooting process for me ended up costing about $1,000. my car met an untimely death, but has been resurrected for another $2,000. and, not unlike something risen from the dead, my zombie car looks much the same, but vibrates hideously and emits low, resonant moaning noises. i'm kicking myself now for my failure to learn from all those movies where man tries to bring back a loved one from the dead, only to have his or her brain eaten. the dead should remain dead.
2. the stress levels, together with having the sense at any given moment that i should be doing something to fix my life right damned now, sort of kept me out of a space where i could sit down and write. ironically, i wrote less (see also: "no more than not at all") in this time period than i had in years.
3. i should have stayed in my job until i found something else. i should have controlled the situation. i had some things to say. i had some serious shit to say at the time. this blog is my business, and i choose to share it, but i'm also placing trust in people. i could have asked my boss to disregard what he had read, and to not preemptively accept what appeared to be a pending resignation. but, what i had written provided an opportunity to let me go rather than fire me. and i wasn't going to beg.
4. the parents still loom. i'm not free.
uhh... there's more, but tomorrow's my first day at the new job, and i'm still having trouble actually writing. as you can tell. i have to ease back into this... i'd hate pull something. so, i'm going to go to bed. hopefully i'll be back within the month. maybe even a week. hell, maybe there'll be something tomorrow...
Posted by Rob at June 12, 2006 10:44 PM
Comments
Glad to hear you found a job.
Glad to see you at my bday party at Docs.
Glad to see you're writing again.
Glad to hear you share my taste in shirts.
Hope to maybe see you at the pub run on thursday!(6pm departure if you're up for it)
Mike
Posted by: Mike W at June 13, 2006 06:14 PM
Glad to see you found a job.
Glad to see you are writing again.
Glad to see you for my bday at Docs.
Glad to see you have great taste in shirts. ha!
If you're up for it, Pub Run's on Thursday, 6pm.
Posted by: Mike W at June 13, 2006 06:17 PM
Glad to see you found a job.
Glad to see you are writing again.
Glad to see you for my bday at Docs.
Glad to see you have great taste in shirts. ha!
If you're up for it, Pub Run's on Thursday, 6pm.
Posted by: Mike W at June 13, 2006 06:18 PM
Glad to see you write again
Glad to see you found a new job
Glad to see you at docs for my bday
Glad to see you have great taste in shirts. Ha!
If you're up for it, Pub Run on Thursday, 6pm.
Posted by: Mike W at June 13, 2006 06:19 PM
where is your new job rob?
Posted by: mike at June 14, 2006 01:58 PM
jeez, i posted 4 times, thinking each one failed.
Going forward, call me Mr. Moron.
Posted by: Mike W at June 14, 2006 06:55 PM
Sorry bout not responding, Mike - I never used to have anyone leave comments that engendered any response or discussion. Cool. I'm working on a temporary contract basis for a public relations firm that is doing litigation support (document review) for a big-assed law suit. there's no parking, insurance, or retirement, and the work itself, flicking through thousands of pages of emails and stuff on a computer is mind-numbing, but the money's good, it's downtown, the people are cool, and there's time for me to start writing again. it's a good thing.
Posted by: rob at June 22, 2006 12:37 PM
sounds good, rob, about the job...i ask because i've been hating my job too, lately, and thinking of quitting soon. a few months off sounds beautiful.
Posted by: mike at June 23, 2006 12:54 PM