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email to banana and mel
April 07, 2006
mel - it's the night you asked about - it is late, i am drunk, and the feelings are at the surface.
today, i did the other things i had to do. i went to work and got my shit and my files and talked to the boss about everything that i left hanging. i sat the coffeeshop for hours looking for a job, and then i went home.
i didn't run today. i was just sorta spent, sorta burned out. i watched tv, then i just walked to my room and laid down, and i slept for hours, and had more bad dreams, and then i woke up and watched "elizabethtown." it was a weaker version of "garden state," which i love and will probably watch when i get home tonight. but "elizabethtown" still hit a chord. i want a love. i want the girl in the red hat, that seems to come just in time, that is life and everything that comes with that. i want mary, the fgm, or what she was.
came here, to the coffeeshop. and now, i'm drunk. but i feel more in touch. i think this is just who i am. this is just who i am, and maybe this is all that's really of value, and maybe that's a lot. maybe that's what i have to give as a writer. van gogh and his ear, einstein and his dream of a universe, hemingway and a nice dinner and a shotgun. it seems like a lot of conceit, a lot of ego, but consider that it's in lieu of so much else that you might have in your life, and it seems like an even bargain. maybe it's what i have to give. i think it is. i think you've never heard me sing. i don't think you'd believe it if you did. so there's this, just the words, no music, and no melody.
here i am. here i am.
Posted by Rob at April 7, 2006 01:33 AM