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no, really, what do you want?
February 27, 2006
"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."
lloyd dobler, "say anything"
"i don't want to practice law, study law, or cite the law as a career. i don't want to practice any law that is studied or cited, or study any law that is practiced or cited, or cite any law that is practiced, studied, or cited, or write about any law that is practiced, studied, or cited. you know, as a career, i don't want to do that."
me
thursday, my boss read my last blog entry. thursday afternoon, at 4:31, he emailed me, the subject line read "blog/departure." he said he had seen my declaration that i would be leaving the law, and therefore, the job, on march 31. he was very understanding about it all, and wished me the best in finding the path i want in life.
not everyone at work knows yet, and that's fine. i had gone a week without talking to any of my fellow attorneys. at all. i came in, closed my door, and sequestered myself. this latest bit of weirdness is probably what prompted my boss to check the blog.
i told the executive director. he seems to be genuinely unhappy about it. not just a passive lack of happiness, but an active unhappiness about it. that's nice, but he has only seen the best of me - he hasn't had to work with me every day.
another woman at work is more than a coworker. she's always been one of my strongest supporters, and there's little i haven't told her. i would consistently find something thoughtful on my desk from her, whether it was a holiday or special occasion or need, or not. there was a card on my desk the friday before the race. today, two writing magazines, a card, and two yummy chocolate truffles, tied with a ribbon.
so, i've got the people at work squared away. as for my parents, i won't tell them until absolutely necessary, which i'm tentatively projecting to be April 2007. yes, this is an act of rebellion, but rebels, at least the smart and successful ones, don't usually make a phone call to the reigning despot giving them a heads-up.
plus, there still has been no post-marathon call from them. so there's that.
all that's ok. because, quite frankly, when they do find out, and if they don't support the decision, they'll be hideously, intractably outnumbered.
years ago, i had a similar epiphany on a smaller scale. i was still living at home during college, which was a mistake in itself, but something that was again a product of my own failure to assert myself against their edicts. the fear was very muh alive back then.
i knew something was coming, that a shoe was about to drop. i was on spring break with some people that remain some of my best friends to this day. i remember the moment i looked around at them and realized that whatever might happen when i got home, and more importantly, no matter what my parents thought or how much they were disappointed, these people, my friends would still think the same of me. these were people that i loved and respected, and didn't fear. they had already judged me, and called me their friend, and unless i really changed into something ugly, i held that title and esteem for life.
for the past several weeks, i've met more members of the rogue training systems programs than i ever have. they email me, come up to me at the parties and pub runs and happy hours, they ask me if i'm the rob with the blog. people are telling me that something made them laugh, or that something made them cry. they tell me i have something useful and good, and the warmth of these people make me believe in it, just as much as when my friends have told me the same.
as i've shared the news, and people have found out, the one word i've heard first, almost unanimously, from people who know me at all, or who read the last blog entry, is, "congratulations."
and i'm not alone. on the running group's forum, one guy wrote that he had quit his job on december 18th. he was in high-end scientific and industrial testing equipment sales. he had made, at times, five figures a month. he had been running with rogue for two years. it put him in touch with things, and he credits it with giving him the clarity and perspective to change his life. he had probably known for a while what was important to him and what wasn't, but he had probably lost some of his better goals and dreams in the measures of single days, and single steps.
holly, a new friend, one that i began the marathon with, and finished the last two grueling miles with, quit her job, as well. she had run many of the long distance workouts with tom, fellow mastodon (6'10", 300+ pounds of former basketball player), and father of five. it reminded her of how she wanted kids, too.
she's a chemist, and works with hazardous materials that aren't exactly ideal to expose an incubating kid to. but it was her job, and she had probably known for a while what was important to her and what wasn't, she had deferred her dreams and goals in the measures of single days, and single steps.
after a long run, listening to tom talk about his kids, she came home and told her husband that it was time, and that she wanted to try to have kids. she gave her notice a week or so ago, and now she's teaching kids to swim. wednesday, she will try to teach some of our group to swim, including me, which may make her regret leaving her other job.
a marathon is a matter of running minute by minute, step by step, and while you have to focus on that, the goal, the finish line, is inescapable, palpable, real. that clarity and perspective is difficult to find in real life.
friday morning, my great friend julia, in california, called me. her husband, pat, had come in the day before and told her about my great blog entry proclamation. shortly before, she and her husband had talked and decided that yes, she was going to quit the law, completely and utterly.
there is, of course, the small question... of exactly... what i'm going to do. for like, a career. and for like, money. those questions, tend to give rise to a shrugging of the shoulders and something of a smile.
i got no idea. i just know what it isn't going to be, and i know i've got love and support, and i know that whether it goes well or badly, it's going to be mine.
Posted by Rob at February 27, 2006 10:26 AM
Comments
Congratulations!
Posted by: Janie at February 28, 2006 03:30 PM
see? see what i mean? that's my coach. speaking of people doing what means something, and what speaks to them, she's been a role model. she's worked for an organization that helps other non-profits with... stuff. she was a coach in more ways than one to a lot of people. now she's going to malawi to offer who she is to help folks out there.
mad props. you give love, you get love. much love to coach janie.
Posted by: rob at February 28, 2006 03:37 PM