« brokeback mountain | Main | extemporaneous insanity »
ok, it's not the holidays that suck...
December 19, 2005
ok, steph's comment was on target in a lot of ways. my post about christmas needs some clarification.
to be more accurate, i shouldn't confuse how i feel around the holidays with how i feel about the holidays.
feeling depressed or lonely is not the fault of the holidays, or the commercialization, any more than it's the fault of the people who might seem to have the things in life someone might feel he or she lacks. actually, it's because christmas and the holidays are a special time that people end up feeling so bad. if christmas or new year's eve or chanukkah were somewhere in there with mother's day and flag day, i think we'd all be just fine.
you know i don't call myself a christian, because i feel i lack the commitment of complete faith. but i agree that christmas is about the birth of Christ, and that's the central point. we're in a country where 80% of the populations at least counts themselves as christians, but really, a lot of those folks, and people like me, and some people who think they're aetheists (i've found most are more accurately agnostic, which makes a huge difference), are sort of along for the sleigh ride.
but that doesn't mean the season is meaningless for us. even for me, and for others, i suspect, who aren't "true" or avowed christians, there's something undeniably sacred about this time of year, and it's set apart. maybe it's because the images and sentiment are inescapable - everyone is doing it. the commercialization even plays a role in that. the world, in a way, changes, and who doesn't, in some way, want to participate in that? the rhetoric and in many cases, the reality, is positive, if only for a little while, and there's a lot of fun to be had.
even the timing is significant. in winter, at the end of the year, time slows in some way, regardless of what the malls look like.
and more than in any other holiday, or any other season, it's a time for people to be together, almost regardless of their faith. it all lends itself to reflection and assessment. and that's when things are missed.
what do people miss? even for a devout christian, who puts their faith in god, and gives their troubles up to god, love and family and companionship in this world are still things that people universally strive for.
one group of my friends are blessed with the ability to go be with their families on the holidays. for as many, though, it's an impossibility because of their jobs or finances. and in some cases, there's no family there to go to.
and then, of course, there's love and companionship, or rather, the lack thereof. i think that's one of the biggest sources of holiday depression.
yes, people need to appreciate and make the best of what they have, but it's a lot to expect them to not think about what might be missing in their lives, and even of their own faults and shortcomings that might make things the way they are.
for me, i've written so much about my place in the world, and my feelings about it - so much, in fact, that i'm often fairly disgusted and want to delete the entire blog. but whatever i feel i miss in my life, this is the time of year when i miss it most, because it is christmas, and it is new year's eve, and i have those memories of what those holidays used to bring with them.
i do also have great memories of the holidays - i don't forget those. and i do try, and i will make more. i talk a lot about hope, and even faith, here. my hope is heavily landmarked with memories of the future - kissing the girl at midnight, meeting a new family, maybe making one.
yeah, feeling a bit lonely right now. got a good wave of it this afternoon. but that's not all there'll be this year. i get along much better with my family now, as long as we pretend the current presidential administration doesn't exist for a few hours. for the first time in a few years, kanton and his family will be around, and i'll go hang with them a bit. i'll probably spend a little time with friends who can't make it home, and i'm supposed to go to dinner with a couple of friends who have no people at all. there's a lot of fellowship and understanding in that.
those will all be this year's good christmas memories. and actually, that you love and care enough whack me upsidethehead makes me feel pretty good, too.
Posted by Rob at December 19, 2005 03:25 PM