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morning
August 03, 2005
hmm.
hmph.
there's a glare this morning coming off of everything, and there's some sort of whirring noise in my head. my stomach is not quite right, and i feel a setback from my efforts to diet and exercise.
looking back at last night, and at what i wrote, i have mixed feelings.
last night, the first couple of beers eased me more comfortably into the world around me. the third, and the actor playing me took a break, and it was just me.
the fourth, and i played pool as if trying to tightrope along a border, swaying into the sort of relaxed but focused confidence in which i make shots, misstepping over into the realm where i can't seem to make desire, intent, and action connect.
another beer, i think just one, sipped slowly, finally, at the bar, writing. even as it happened, i saw soberly what i'm increasingly recognizing as the almost inevitable slide into despair that seems to be accompanying alcohol lately.
things become clear. my mind actually comes alive, and i usually remember more detail from when i'm drinking than i can when i'm sober. and i think, and weigh, and assess, and i see the trends in my life, and i don't like what i see.
even sober, in the slightly painful flourescent lights in my office, i believe that the alcohol does bring a sort of clarity to things. but, it's clarity without perspective, without hope or the will to change what i see.
and those are limits i can't afford to have right now.
Posted by Rob at August 3, 2005 09:13 AM
Comments
Beer has a wonderful way of making everything seem crystal clear, doesn't it? And if it does, why do we so often regret what spills out of our mouths the next day?
There is nothing wrong with living the quiet life. I hate to sound preachy but here goes and you fill in the blank..."and the ____ shall inherit the earth". Don't spend your time worrying about making noise, making the perfect shot, writing the perfect blog.
Don't bother about genius. Don't worry about being clever. Trust to hard work, perseverance and determination.
Posted by: Jori at August 3, 2005 11:08 AM