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great expectations, wrong.
August 02, 2005
it's all progressed.
it's like i'm rising, drawing back ever farther from my own life, seeing it in better perspective, seeing the patterns more clearly now, like seeing the patchwork of fields more clearly from the window of your jetliner.
all my life, i believed in the promise of greatness, in my own destiny. astronaut, writer, singer, pro cyclist. poor vision, lack of initiative, lack of courage, lack of support and self-generated motivation, respectively.
failure.
and now, at 36, so much is still possible, but so much is not. the promise of greatness is mostly gone. the belief i held for so much of my life, in myself, in what place i would hold in the world, is gone. i'm a lawyer, unhappy, alone, with debt and the dread of tomorrow.
and that's all.
this is it.
it's now for me to accept mediocrity, to embrace failure, a quiet life and death.
how short a thing life is. how easily wasted. it amazes me how we undervalue it, whether we're sending others off to die, or sending ourselves in the future to live for nothing and die for less.
sit. drink. write. send. wait. wait. wait. end.
Posted by Rob at August 2, 2005 09:51 PM