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somebody else's love story
July 08, 2005
it's been a long time since i've been in touch with the great blog mentor to the north. due to some disorder, some deficit of attention, definitely some self-absorption, maybe a little jealousy, a little envy, even.
my attention first turned towards virtual british columbia last september or so, when my friend nikki sent me the link, telling me that she thought its author seemed like the perfect girl for me.
how could i not look?
i was enraptured by the honesty of expression, the familiarity with what she expressed. she wrote of the conflicts in her mind that she could not control, and she wrote about love and where it might be, what it might look like if and when it reappeared in her life.
i was in awe of her photography, with what she sees in the world, and her ability to capture it.
i was thrilled to correspond with her some. her recent trip and ties to thailand, and the images she returned before she or anyone else could foresee what would soon unfold there, made that tragedy, when it came, all the more real for me.
julie's blog is about her journey through life and what she saw in it, and she has drawn a community around her. in those terms, her journey became part of the template for my own, and her blog became a model for mine that hasn't quite been realized. it's significant because her journey is unique, and it's familiar, and because she puts it out there, inviting the sharing of the experience.
at times, late at night, with a bit of drink, i'd write to her, not in the mode of someone enamored with her, but simply in response to her ability to listen and empathize, sometimes just because she was out there, so accessible, yet so far away, where it was safe to send my thoughts and the things that emerged unbidden from my heart at times.
things in my life and in my mind have turned, sometimes doubled completely back on themselves, and things and people got lost in the process. julie got lost no less than my friends who i've known longer, have actually seen and touched.
in recent months, julie reached a waypoint in her life, found the star in the night sky that had eluded her,that she so deserved, but that i don't believed we're all destined or guaranteed to find - she has found love. from all she writes, from the pictures she takes of him, and of them together, i just know it's right, as right and as true as the relationships i've seen a few of my friends in.
a friend commented recently that she'd been reading julie's blog, and unprompted, she told me she believed that someday soon, i'd be writing the same story that julie has been.
i can think of few kinder wishes for anyone to wish for me.
for the longest time, i've wanted to write you, julie, to congratulate you, to encourage you (though you don't need it), and to thank you for showing at least one way our paths, insofar as they're similar, might lead. and despite the doubts and fears i chronicle here, i want you and my friends to know that part of me still believes...
oh, and someday, i'd like a hug.
Posted by Rob at July 8, 2005 12:01 PM