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reentry
May 10, 2005
a long, blurred time. sleep and drink and work and worry and push and hope.
tonight, the long day's end a long night, with leora and emily at the coffeehouse.
afterwards, we went to whisky bar, just a handful of huddled groups of friends, and us at the bar, leora dancing in her chair, full of 23's life, emily chatting up the boys.
i danced in my chair the way men do, maybe a little more, because i don't like to do as most men do.
new car, cheaper, more fun, beaten on the northwestern face by hail and therefore paid for, now sporting the simple black and white bumper sticker that claims only, "MEAN."
new home, amidst the coolness and promise of the area presumptiously named "SoCo."
the job at the coffeehouse, after a day of shilling for law, at night in black t-shirt and jeans, pushing coffee and cookies.
am i just the oddity? trying too late to shoehorn a 36 year-old lawyer into a life he left forsaken? i feel so much more at home, but at times, so much more alone.
it's not a matter of age - many of the girls i work with date men my age, but they're men who have chosen the path i always longed for but lacked the will to live.
lone star and whiskey, a parliament light glowing, and a d.j. spinning tracks in a half-empty bar. a black t-shirt so real, so disguising.
the bike ride home, reliving the years as promising cyclist. singing loud in a voice aging and unused. and now, here, sending words into space, hopeful signals, an invitation, an SOS, the signature glow of reentry from the vacuum, the rush towards earth through the abrasion of ever-thickening atmosphere, the flames licking up around the windows, surrounding me, a momentary fireball in the night, a streaking spark, but no impact.
Posted by Rob at May 10, 2005 02:21 AM