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spreading freedom
January 21, 2005
so, i see that our repressident wants to spread democracy and freedom across the world. gotta wonder how he intends to do that. naturally, unilateral applicaiton of brute force springs to mind. regardless, one can imagine regimes falling to democracy in a sort of, i don't know... domino effect, despite efforts by terrorists, hippies, homosexuals and other godless peoples to contain us.
damn, i've got this weird sense of deja-vu.
anyway, in principle, i think it's a grand idea. the problem is that when w. suggests something, the knee jerk reaction is to be diametrically opposed, in both theory and practice. "freedom"? oh, hell no, freedom is bad and icky and leads to, um, venereal disease.
but come on, freedom for all individuals is clearly a good thing that we can all appreciate and agree on as a noble goal. so what we really need is to find some delivery methods we can all agree on, rather than the default position of bombing the crap out of someone and then invading.
clearly, spreading freedom by mail or other carrier service would be preferable. pack it in dry ice, and freedom will keep as it's being shipped to most destinations. instead of military uniforms, let freedom be carried by people in postal, ups, and fed-ex uniforms.
i have an even more exciting idea, though - spread freedom through an exciting and positive traveling team of exciting and positive dancers and singers that will spread the exciting and positive message of freedom through exciting and positive concert assemblies at high schools, parliaments, and palaces around the world. call them "the 2 free cru", or "the democrat cats."
it'll be just like those assemblies we went to in school, except more, i don't know, jingoistic.
"whoa, jenny, are those electrodes you're attaching to that man's nipples?"
"why, yes, najeef, they are. i'm trying to extract a confession for a crime he didn't commit."
"whoa, jenny. that just ain't cool. yo? how can you be free if your people aren't free?"
"why, yes, najeef, i see that you're right. let's sing!"
"YOU DOWN WITH G.O.P.? YEAH, YOU KNOW ME..."
and so on and so forth. other messages could be worked in as well, like the importance of eating plenty of fiber, brushing and flossing after meals, saying no to drugs, and worshipping a protestant-loving white god.
pending the underwriting by halliburton, coca-cola and phillip morris, i'll be holding auditions, though as primary writer, i get to play both margaret thatcher and the evil jimmy carter. stay tuned.
Posted by Rob at January 21, 2005 03:33 PM