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Top Ten Reasons John Kerry Is Suddenly So Damned Tan
September 28, 2004
Some observers, including the Drudge Report, have noted that John Kerry has been getting tanner and, well, less cadaver-like in the days leading up to his first presidential debate. There are any number of good reasons for this, aside from the obvious, cynical marketing considerations. In fact, there are, to be cliche, ten good reasons:
10. Chasing after quiet but crucial George Hamilton Fan Club vote.
9. Attended all three days of Austin City Limits Music Festival.
8. Waited six hours in the Georgia sun for Zell Miller to show for his duel.
7. Follow the money - more Democrats in office means less restrictions on powerful tanning bed industry.
6. Knows CBS will declare the tan real without checking.
5. Setting up new slogan for final month of campaign: "Don't get burned again."
4. Advisors told him he needed more people of color on his campaign staff.
3. Unfortunate side effect of strict ketchup diet imposed by wife Teresa Heinz Kerry.
2. Wants to counter "hunky" soul patch and sideburns George W. is rumored to be growing.
1. Swears he was on a boat on a river in Cambodia at noon on Labor Day.
Posted by Rob at September 28, 2004 03:09 PM